i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
