i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
