the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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