i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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