what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
