Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
