Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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