yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
