where am i from again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
