I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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