Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
