I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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