sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
