my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
