READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
