my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
