His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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