you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
