Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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