They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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