I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
