I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
