Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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