3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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