New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
