last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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