At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
