I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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