that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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