You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
