I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
