How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
