you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
