Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
