I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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