You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
