I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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