Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
