BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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