not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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