i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
