you guys were way drunker than both of me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
