I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
