I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
