'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
