I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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