I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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