Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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