when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
