I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
