Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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