I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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