chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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