What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
