You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
