I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
