smell my finger.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
