The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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