JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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