Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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