After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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