girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
