yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
