I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
